I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
