His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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