defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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