Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
