Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
