I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
