I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
