Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
