she looked like the bat from fern gully.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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