If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
