I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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