I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My dick has a subreddit
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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