hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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