Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
