singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
