Kiss
Puke
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
