I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
id be glad to
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."