didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
ok i will unlock the door
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.