He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
