i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
