I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
