its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We're too hungover to prance.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
