we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
