He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize