Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
