so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
