I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
