i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
