Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
