I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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