All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
