VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
