My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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