Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
