I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
