Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
