I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
where are my eyebrows?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
