only if we run a train.
done.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
sarcasm needs its own font
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
