Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
