Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
