my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
