Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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