Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
