"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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