She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This toilet bowl is my home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
