Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
