When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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