Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
