I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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