I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
