Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
