How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
