this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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