Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
