Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
