Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
