I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
