My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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