just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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