Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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