i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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