With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
