he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
