just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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