so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
