Soap is not a condiment
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
