im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you made out with another girl for some wings
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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