my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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