It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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