do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
