I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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