I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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