Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
my liver is dry heaving
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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