Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
