i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
