I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
