from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
